This week’s 8Things is:
All the little clues (warning signs) that show us when we’re not standing in our own power.
I have to admit, I was a little confused by the term “Standing in Your Own Power” when I first read it. I don’t really think of “power” when I use words to describe myself or qualities inside me. “Power” reminds me of “supernatural powers”, which is not for me.
But I investigated a bit. I’ve realized that for me, “standing in my own power” means a process of HONORING myself and my gut feelings about things. I have big issues with trusting myself. I always question decisions I make, and agonize over the smallest things (“should I have bought _____”? “maybe I shouldn’t have said….” “maybe we should have went to the 2pm movie instead of the 4pm movie….”) It’s exhausting and I don’t feel like doing it anymore.
So here’s eight little behaviors that pop up when I start waffling, wavering, and not trusting myself.
– agreeing to things I don’t have time for or simply *really* do not want to do
This is tough for me because I am a people pleaser and I find myself agreeing to stuff before my brain and heart even PROCESS what I am agreeing to. And I get worried that when I’m honest (such as when I volunteer for something and make it clear what I *can* and *can’t* do for the organization) I’m pushing people away. By creating boundaries, I worry I am locking people out. The truth is that boundaries actually make it much easier for people to relate to one another. It’s sort of like when you are a parent- rules make it MUCH easier for kids to function in their environment because they know what’s right and what’s not right.
– being angry or defensive as a response to hurtful things
This I do a lot. I’m extremely sensitive and if someone says something or does something that hurts, I tend to snap in response. Lots of raised voices, trying to puff myself up to anger instead of admitting that I am really wanting to cry. I’m working on this daily, trying to really admit what the true feeling is and follow it through.
– agonizing over things *after* they happen
for example- making the choice NOT to attend something and then wondering “should have gone?” for weeks after. Ugh- I do this constantly. I’m doing it now. It’s my form of anxiety. I really want to be more decisive and CONFIDENT about those decisions.
– not speaking up in an effort to people please
This goes hand in hand with number one- I see some behavior or experience some exchange that I disagree with, and I just nod my head or stay quiet rather than ruffling feathers. I HATE when I do this.
– hesitance/fear to start a project or continue with something
This is a BIG problem right now. I STILL haven’t started my art journal. I’m doing creative stuff, but I fall back into old routines and comfortable habits rather than try something new and experiment. Or I’ll find *anything* else to do but create, like wash the floors, do laundry, cook dinner, answer email, surg the web… I convince myself that these things are crucial when they are just ways to avoid sitting down and getting work done.
As a result, lots of avoidance and time wasted.
– rushing to catch up on things
I hate this. I get so scared of projects that I let them g for a bit and then rush to get caught up. And then the enjoyment sort of disappears because all I can focus on is the deadline.
– feeling overwhelmed and multi-tasking at a crazy pace
Ugh. I’m always doing this in the mornings.
– letting small things eat away at me
And they are always small things that are SO not important- like an unmade bed or a comment someone said three weeks ago or whatever. Instead of focusing on the bigger things, I just fixate and dissect something else until it’s all that I can think about.
I signed up for the Power Stories class at Magpie Girl and am excited to start it. It came at exactly the right time.