Edmund Tarbell - "Mother and Mary"

 

“Wherever you are is always the right place.

There is never a need to fix anything, to hitch up the bootstraps of the soul and start at some higher place. Start right where you are.”

- Julia Cameron

 

[I've always loved this painting- it seems very contemplative to me, but in a hopeful way. Have a lovely, lovely weekend! ]

A few more pages from my spring art journal…

... silently drawn ...

We saw “The Artist” about two weeks ago and it *really* moved me in a very profound way. I’ll try and describe it without giving out tremendous spoilers:
“The Artist” is about a silent movie star (George Valentin) who completely resists the transition to “talking” movies. Despite the urging of everyone around him, George is *so* deeply rooted in this idea of himself as a “silent movie actor” that he can’t move past it. It paralyzes him and stunts his growth as an artist.

But being an actor isn’t George’s true love- there’s something he loves to do even more. I won’t spoil it, but I will say that George has a natural talent that he uses constantly to connect with people, to entertain people, and to *move* people. But even though he loves this thing, it never occurs to him that it can be a professional asset.

Of course, with my One Little Word being “thrive”, I couldn’t help but come away from “The Artist” inspired. As I watched the movie, and thought about it for days after, I realized that a huge part of thriving is about involve personal evolution, and a willingness to examine deeply held beliefs I hold about myself and *challenge* those beliefs on a regular basis.

The quote is from Rumi: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”

artist / spring fever pages

There’s a little bit of Spring Fever going on around here and I *love* it. The garden is EXPLODING. There’s tons and tons of birds outside, flying and dancing in the sky and singing all day. The weather has gotten milder, and the sun is out more often. It feels good, like a fresh start. Gracie was dancing in front of the sunset so I snapped a few photos with my iPhone and wanted to capture that moment of giddiness.

rite of passage

A page about the challenge of personal evolution, and my lack of patience with this whole “thriving” thing. Lots of journaling about my inability to trust myself and the path I am on.

vellum overlay with printed journaling

A few days ago I read a blog post by Jennifer Louden and it really hit me hard and made me think more about the whole “deeply rooted beliefs” I have about myself. I literally had to get up and walk away from the computer when I read it.

Anyway, I journaled a bit about it because it really affected me, printed the journaling out on vellum, and bound it into my journal.

Underneath, a reminder to myself that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.

right here, right now

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

my new Nikes

Welcome to week 37 of the Common Miracles project.

So, I finally went ahead and picked out new sneakers this week.

Backstory: because I was born with Spina Bifida, none of the “working parts” (bones, tendons, nerves, muscles, etc.) developed properly in my feet, so I’ve had many, many surgeries on my feet, including several reconstructions of my left foot and some muscle/tendon transplants and ortho stuff on my right foot.

Finally, when  was 19, a surgeon swooped into my life and said “enough of trying to fix what can never be improved- let’s just take some bone from your hip and make a new left foot out of it.” And so he did.

Before I got my Fancy Franken-Foot (I call it that because there’s a lot of hardware holding the bone into place…) shoes were such an issue. Arghhh. As a kid and a teenager, wearing “regular” shoes was almost impossible. Anything besides air casts or funky doctor-made shoes (which I more or less refused to wear- I’d always choose an air cast over a big clunky shoe, especially as a teenager!), made my feet break down, bones shift, etc. No flip-flops, no sandals, no flats, no sneakers, no hiking boots, no slippers. It was just a BAD situation all around.

The funny thing was the one pair of shoe I always wanted was just a regular pair of Nike running sneakers. That’s it. When I was a teenager, the old-style Nikes came back in style and all the sudden there were photos of them on models with ballgowns, career-women in New York City, etc. Sure, I also lusted after cool black shoes and Doc Martens and Converse, as well, but I always thought if I could just wear one pair of Nikes without a problem, life would be *so* much better.

Anyway, after I had my left foot reconstructed from my hip bone, the bandages came off and I was SHOCKED to see a REAL foot sitting there. All the sudden, everything was in its right place. My foot not only looked like a foot, but most everything was firmly fused in place. The doctor told me to go out and buy shoes- any shoes I liked (well, within *reason*).

I sort of dabbled a little in shoes, but as soon as the first issue presented itself (a blister on my heel- very common for anyone with new shoes), I was over it. My doctor encouraged me to try again, but I was done. I started getting very protective about my feet. They’d been through a lot, and I didn’t feel like dealing with blisters and rubbing and irritation- I was done with it. I had spent the first twenty years of my life babying my feet and I just wanted a pair of shoes that didn’t look like big round bubbles and wouldn’t cause a problem. My brief period in which I enjoyed shoe shopping was over almost before it started.

Enter my obsession with Nike sneakers. I was thrilled that not only could I just go and buy a pair and they FIT, but that they didn’t require breaking in or careful use, etc. I could just go and buy a pair I liked and wear them. How amazing was that?!

So I did that- I stopped wearing ALL other shoes. I even wore my Nikes to my wedding- everyone who was there was very familiar with my health stuff and they would have been shocked if I came down the aisle in anything *but* my beloved Nikes.

Anyway since Nikes are the only shoes I wear, whenever I get a new pair, I deliberate. I look through them all and carefully consider the colors and the styles and everything, and then I pick out the one or two pairs that I like a lot and then order them.

And I still get a little anxious when they arrive (I order them online). I take them out of their box and leave them on the bench for a while before I’ll try them on. There’s always a tremendous fear they *won’t* fit, or my feet will look weird in them, or something might be wrong.

And finally, I slip them on, and carefully tie them, and walk. I have to admit that I *revel* in those first few steps in my new shoes. I revel in the fact I can just pull on a shoe and have it fit and have it WORK. It’s not a big process like it used to be.

And that’s what I did this weekend- I finally tried on my new shoes and wore them out.

So this week my Common Miracle is my new pair of Nikes. Silly, maybe… ordinary, yes. But every time I looked down and saw my new grey-and-turquoise sneakers on my feet this weekend, I got a little excited. New shoes- that fit!

It also reminded me that sometimes it’s OKAY to choose the less exciting things in life, to make a commitment to a simpler way of doing things  (like choosing to wear sneakers all the time instead of the myriad of shoes possibilities out there) and it’s still brings a good deal of contentment.

Sure, I’ve never gotten to wear crazy cool John Fluevogs or chunky Mary Janes with bows or even a pair of flip-flops or Crocs, but I’m pretty satisfied with my pretty new Nikes.

Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

waterlily @ Naples Botanical Gardens

“We are all of us, always, unfurling.

… We unfurl various aspects of ourselves at different times. Unfurlings are not orchestrated, and will not be hurried along. We unfurl when we are done cocooning. We absorb the sunlight of what is calling us, and when it has filled us from within, we stretch outward and upward.

… Healing and growing happen in their own time.”

- Amy Kessel

 

[I actually took this photo last year - I definitely have to go back to the gardens soon... The lovely quote was found at Roots of She. Happy Friday!]

spring beads

Ever since December, I’ve had a sort of “creative momentum” going and I was terrified that if I didn’t keep doing *something* creative every day, even just something small, I might lose steam. But last week, when I was feel edgy and generally unsettled, I couldn’t get myself to focus on anything “new” or puzzling. So I wound up going back to something I know fairly well, something that I know always “works”, so to say- beads. I sorted beads, made some beads, stamped some beads, finished some beads, etc….

I don’t know what’s in store for these guys yet- I’m thinking a few bracelets, and then maybe some will become simple pendants on plain black cord.

It just felt good to go back to that part of my studio again- it’s been sitting and waiting for me for months.

spring beads

spring beads

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

photo by Sumio Harada

“And my stampeding buffalo
stops in her tracks and watches the snow
falling through the old oak tree…
when you give your heart to me.”
- Laura Veirs

Welcome to week 36 of the Common Miracles project.

You’re probably wondering what’s with the buffalo picture and the lyrics…

I’ve been obsessed with the song “When You Give Your Heart to Me” for a while now, and every few months I find myself connecting with a different part of the song. This past week I kept identifying with the lyrics about the “stampeding buffalo” that “stops in her tracks and watches the snow”.

Why? Because I *totally* feel like I’ve been stomping around these last two weeks, trying to get everything done and being more than a little frustrated and unhappy and just NOT okay with the way things are lining up. It’s not been total chaos or anything, it’s just been a series of little blips that are *really* irritating me and making me cranky and edgy.  It seem like every time one thing got sorted out, something else would pop up that needed attention.

But then there would be these moments of calm and peace in the midst of it all that would come out of nowhere and just change my mood for the better. Small things, like the sun coming out after a few hours of gray clouds, the way my garden is blooming like crazy despite the weather, the smell of hazelnut tea, a cat curled up on my lap, seeing a fabulous move (The Artist- I will probably write more about it later in the week), something sweet or funny that Gracie said, etc. I would suddenly feel like everything was fine, or at least everything was going to *be* fine, and life would soon get back to a state of general calm.

These are not huge things- not at all. They were just everyday moments, but the impact they had was positive, at least for the moment. They *helped*. They were the things that stopped my internal “stampeding buffalo”, even just for a minute. And the relief was pretty profound.

And I tried to focus on them, and then I started realizing I could seek some of them out. A cup of tea is almost always available, Gracie’s (usually) eager to chat, there’s a stack of great books on my bedside table waiting to be read, etc. So why aren’t I choosing these things more often? I know I come back to this topic often (cultivating gratitude, or creating an environment for gratitude), but I seem to lose sight of it every few weeks only to rediscover it again.

I can’t really change the big picture, I can be a little more conscious about the decisions I make, and the way that those decisions can influence the *conditions* of my daily life.  I mean, having a hot cup of tea besides me as I do paperwork won’t make the paperwork magically go away, or make the process any less irritating, but it will make *me* a lot less miserable during the hour I have to spend on it.

“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I really need to be doing more of this. More awareness. More conscious decisions towards things that bring comfort and peace, especially when life feels a little messy. More *choosing* the light and less cursing (and stomping around in) the darkness.

Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

... start with your own secret self ...

“We are so accustomed to disguising our true nature from others, that we end up disguising it from ourselves.”
- La Rochefoucauld

“If you’re interested in the door to the heavens opening, start with the door to your own secret self.”
- Elizabeth Lesser

[photo credit: National Geographic Stock CD]

These are the first few pages from my new winter/spring 2012 art journal.

don't lose yourself... (inspired by a Laura Veirs song)

Doing Circles (inspired by Tegan & Sara song)

I’ve been art journaling pretty much on a daily basis, and keeping myself very busy in our family/regular life routines and stuff, but I’m having sort of a rough time of things this month.

It’s nothing external (well, besides a few small unknowns having to do with travel and things like that) but it feels a little overwhelming. Usually I can rationalize it or process it or find the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when it’s just *small* stuff, but something about the way things are at the moment, the little things piling up (stupid stuff like needing a haircut but putting it off, the pool chemicals being off so the water is cloudy, the weather has been funky, need to take care of some small paper work issues but can’t until someone else takes care of their end, etc.) it’s almost *too* much. I manage to smooth it out every day, but I am getting exhausted from that daily routine of tying up all the lose ends, I suppose.

Why am I telling you all this? My pages clearly reflect my discomfort, at least to my eye. But I’m glad I’m still journaling- when I look back on the pages I did LAST January, I can see that some of the same things were going on and it makes me feel tremendously better, because it’s just the way January *is*  around here.

Botanical Gardens trip

what IS it about January?

a reminder to show some kindness to myself...

Thanks, as always, for looking.

"what does it mean to thrive?" art journal page

“My resolution is to let go of what I think I know now, and what I think I want, and embrace the gray area. This can only be done by letting the thoughts marinate, and let the resolutions come from a place of stillness. The big accomplishments are not always going to be what lights you up, and if you don’t let yourself ask for what you truly want, then no one will ask for you.” – Azita Ardakani

 

- To draw and paint more. OUTSIDE the safe boundaries of the art journal. If this means doing circle drawings all year, so be it. But I want to explore being more contemplative about the work I do. My goal is to do one drawing/painting a week for 2012. I’ll post about it to keep myself accountable.

- To figure out what “being an artist” means and why the heck I am so hesitant to claim that title for myself and really *believe* it. I feel like an imposter.

- Also, I want to expore “The Etsy Shop Thing” and what my resistance is to having my own Etsy shop. I have a few people who have sincerely asked me about acquiring my beads and prints of some of my work- not just out of kindness, but because they have specific purposes for those things and truly want them. I give a lot away, but one of my friends told me she’d much rather *buy* them because then she would feel free to buy as much she needed and when she needed it. It would be a freedom for her to have that access to my beads. So why do I feel so blocked about sending my stuff out into the world in that way?

- I want to contribute more. I loved writing for Bliss Habits and I’d love to continue to do that. I’d also like to contribute to some sort of creative group project on a regular basis and/or contribute somewhere as an Art Historian. While I know creative team member might be out of the mix because I’m not dedicated to any style or product line, I would love to be a part of some regular creative challenge or group.

- Continue to grow spiritually and philosophically, and to regularly practice gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, and general awareness. I already signed up for Awakening Joy 2012. Even though I didn’t complete it last year, I can say with honesty that I TRULY invested myself in the lessons I learned the first three months (intention, mindfulness, and gratitude) and spent most of the year really investigating and implementing those things.

- I want to read more poetry. Actually, I want to read more, period. A book a week, and then post about it here. There are situations when I am sitting around and surfing the internet, idly watching TV, waiting for something, being a spectator, etc. and during those times, I could be reading. And I know I would enjoy that moment so much more if my nose was in a good book. So my resolution is to make an effort to keep a book in reach at all times.

- To savor. To indulge a tiny bit more. I started doing that over the holidays (a bottle of shower gel here, a new tin of tea there, a small order of art supplies every so often) and it didn’t lead into some retail-therapy-shame-spiral, so I am going to do a little bit more of it. But I also want to enjoy and regularly use the things I own and love, as well.

- To continue to stretch my wings as a gardener. A few times this year, Tom got me what I consider to be “complicated” plants- the kind that are more investments than the ones from the $1.50 range I usually pick out from myself. He knew I would NEVER buy them for myself, and not only was it thoughtful, it also showed me he had a lot of confidence in me. And I’ve REALLY enjoyed that challenge. I mean, I treat all my plants like they are $25 or $50 plants, but it was thrilling to see my hydrangea (which terrified me at first!), my little bonsai tree, and my dwarf hibiscus bush take off after I received them, repotted them, and cared for them.

- To continue to swim daily, and understand that I do it not only for the physical benefits, but also the mental benefits. There is nothing more challenging than spending two and a half hours every day as a captive audience to my thoughts. But those two and a half hours are a huge source of creative ideas, emotional breakthroughs, and the TRUTH. They are also exhausting. But in the best way.

- To be a good mom, a good partner, a good friend, a good caregiver, a good *person* in the ways that only I can.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

painting by Gerhard Richter

Welcome to week 35 of the Common Miracles project.

As the new year started in earnest this week, and life returned to “normal” (meaning busy, chaotic, etc.), I realized something about gratitude: gratitude absolutely has to coexist with other emotions/states of mind.

Let me explain a little…
This week, we had a few service people come through our house. It was kind of a busy week, and I was irritated not only by the fact we had to sort of stop everything to accommodate them when they arrived, but also that we were sort of stuck to their schedule (and their four-hour window of arrival time).

But on the other hand- they were coming to repair things, to help us out, to make our lives much easier. So I was very grateful for them and their skills. I wasn’t trying to find gratitude in the situation- I just felt it. I was glad they were coming and fixing things.

I don’t know why (maybe because I was swimming and I do a lot of thinking when I swim- there’s nothing *else* to do, quite honestly) but I started letting the gratitude and irritation sort of “go at it” in my head a little bit. SHOULD my gratitude be enough that it nulls out the irritation? Or is irritation the dominant force simply because negative emotions always seem stronger and a little more all-consuming?

And then, the question- always this same question- am I doing this right, this gratitude thing?

After going over it for a while, I realized that the two emotions simply needed to co-exist. That they *could* co-exist. One isn’t bigger and more powerful than the other- they are simply two very different emotions that existed inside me at the very same time. They both evolved and grew and went different ways on their own- after the service person left, the irritation faded, but the gratitude stayed.

I know this may seem very basic, but for me it was a pretty big discovery. It’s not one or the other- it’s not like if I am stuck in a not-so-great situation I have to shut down the negative response to it in order to make room for the gratitude. I like the fact that gratitude sort of carves its own little space and exists on its own, and is open to me finding it and tuning in to it when I am ready. It’s sort of a patient, steady thing.

I can’t expect my feelings of gratitude to march in and override anything else that I’m feeling, especially negative emotions. It’s not a “clean sweeper”.  I think I am still expecting that gratitude will be this HUGE powerful energy for me, and as it marches in it will just take over all my emotions, and sweep them in a direction of absolute joyful appreciation.

Gratitude doesn’t work that way- at least not for me, not yet. Gratitude is still pretty quiet. While it’s now coming naturally all the time, (which is *so* amazing for me- finding the good in most situations is a WHOLE NEW WORLD for me, let me tell you!), it’s still a very quiet force.

I sort of feel like the more stuff I discover about gratitude, and the more I honor the way it exists for *me*, the more I will learn how to make room for it in all sorts of situations. It’s sort of like composing a piece of music for a quieter instrument, in a way.

I started Common Miracles in May, 2011 to chronicle all the little (and big!) things that happen during regular days that bring me a sense of well-being. It’s an effort to recognize the small things that make life more worth living. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

Want to join in? Create your own list on your blog and let me know about it by sharing your URL in the comments section below.

photo by Titus Lacoste

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
that is translated through you into action.

And because there is only one of you in all time
this expression is unique.

If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium
and be lost. The world will not hear it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is;
Nor how valuable it is; nor how it compares with other expressions.

It is your business to  keep it yours, clearly and directly,
to keep the channel open.

You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.

You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.

Keep the channel open.”

- Martha Graham

 

[As you probably know by now- I *love* quotes. I think I'm going to post them here more often. Have a wonderful, restful weekend!]

last journal page of the year!

I finished my Autumn/Winter 2011 art journal this last week. I really just wanted to play with some of the art goodies I got for Christmas (Ranger Distress Stains, Crackle Paint, Inktense Pencils, tons of letter stickers, and some new stamps) and document the last sunset of 2011. I also made a list of all the movies we saw in 2011- at some point in the year, we all got obsessed with going to the movies (and watching them at home, too) so I kind of wanted to document that.

And then I wanted to be done. know these pages seem like sort of a half-effort, but I got the urge to wrap up this journal (which covered September, October, Novemeber, and December) and start a new one for the new year. I got a quick photo with my iPhone of these last two pages, closed my journal, and filed it on my bookshelf.

This afternoon I “bound” a new art journal, which I intend to use for the next few months. It’s the third journal I have made, and I’m still sticking to my VERY BASIC and probably WAY-WRONG process: folding about twenty sheets of 8×11 paper in half, organizing them into primitive signatures, priming them all with gesso, and then gluing them together into a piece of folded chipboard that I use for a cover/spine. Oddly enough, these little crazy journals I make seem to work well for me- I guess their imperfect beginning somehow gives me “permission” to make a mess inside them. I always feel so intimidated by beautiful, pristine sketchbooks.

As soon as I do any sort of real work in it, I will post I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you looking at these pages, and commenting on them. Thank you, thank you!

After some consideration, the one little word I’ve chosen for 2012 is “thrive”.

I actually take this whole process of choosing a word fairly seriously- a few years ago, after reading Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project” book, I chose the word “grow” as my one little word. She wrote (and this is heavily paraphrased) that research had found that people are happy when they are doing activities that contribute to their growth as a person- emotional, intellectual, creative, etc.

The word “grow” wound up manifesting itself in ways I was not expecting- I started a garden and it became a SERIOUS obsession (things literally began growing ALL over the place!), our family grew (our parrot Winnie joined us), our responsibilities grew, and we were faced with an unexpected situation (Tom suddenly losing his job of ten years) that forced us to “grow”. Ultimately, it turned out to be a great thing (Tom not only got a new job he loves, but he got the opportunity to go back to school, which he wanted to do for years), but I can’t say I want to relive the stress of those first few days after it happened.

Last year I had trouble choosing a word because I was so spooked by the way “grow” went, and I’m not sure if I ultimately did pick a word or not. I could go back and check but I sorta don’t want to because I don’t want to grant it much power since it clearly wasn’t important enough to even *remember*.

But I did a whole lot of growing last year- mostly in philosophical and spiritual ways. I learned a lot about myself and challenged a lot of old beliefs and redefined a lot of the things that I was maintaining as the “rock bottom truths” about life and the way it had to be lived.

I want to do more of that. I feel like I’m finally in the right spot, and I want to focus my energy on blooming where I’m planted, so to speak. Explore this space, make it more my own. Maybe even dig a little deeper.

So I chose “thrive” as my one little word. I’m not sure on the details yet- I’m taking some time to ponder things and also to try and be as realistic as possible about it all. I want to create a few resolutions that will absolutely be attainable but still require me to stretch a little bit.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

photo by Karen D'Silva

Welcome to week 34 of the Common Miracles project.

As 2012 comes in, here’s a simple quote:

The way to express our gratitude for life is by being truly alive, not hiding from life in a corner, or watching life pass us by. The biggest fear we have is not the fear of dying, but the fear to be alive, to be ourselves, to say what we feel, to ask for what we want, to say yes when we want to say yes, and no when we want to say no. To express what is in our hearts is to be truly alive. If we pretend to be what we are not, how can we be truly alive?

- Don Miguel Ruiz

Let’s all be “truly alive” in 2012.

I started Common Miracles in May, 2011 to chronicle all the little (and big!) things that happen during regular days that bring me a sense of well-being. It’s an effort to recognize the small things that make life more worth living. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

Want to join in? Create your own list on your blog and let me know about it by sharing your URL in the comments section below.

Christmas Day journal page...

Christmas Eve journal page...

December 23rd journal page...

As the *actual* holidays (Christmas Eve, Christmas, and the days following) rolled around, I spent much less time in my studio and more time with Tom and Gracie. So I took photos when I remembered (not as many as I wanted to take, but enough to feel okay about it) and spent my energy living in the moment and enjoying the days.

My pages sort of reflect that. But it’s okay. Last night as I was finishing up the two actual Christmas pages, I realized I just wanted to get the important stuff down on the page and then move forward. While I’m not letting go of the “holiday season” yet, I’m ready to let go of the added stress of it all. And that includes trying to make perfect journal pages about it.

“Twenty in 20″ is a little personal challenge I created for myself at the end of summer, 2o11. My goal is twenty creative projects, twenty books, and twenty non-profits in twenty weeks. You can read more about it here.

Creative Project Number #14-20: (more) December Art Journal Pages & Gracie’s Holiday Projects

I made it! I did 20 creative projects before the end of the year. I’m kind of excited.

Sorry for this mega-photo-post, but I wanted to get them up and published before I a) lost my nerve and b) totally spaced on everything.

Anyway- here are a few of the things I have been working on the last few weeks. Mostly journal pages. The more I art journal, the more flexible I am becoming about it, which is SO nice. I can now just sort of make decisions on the fly rather than agonizing for hours. It’s a good feeling. The pages aren’t perfect, but at least I incorporated stuff from everyday life in December. I plan on continuing “somewhat daily” art journaling as long as I can. I will note that last year I vowed the same thing, but my art journaling tapered off a lot in spring in favor of bead and jewelry making, so we’ll see what happens.

art journal page - merry & bright

The pages above are just an image I cut from Martha Stewart Living and some washi tape and glitter pens and chipboard letters.

art journal page - friday, saturday, sunday

A mish-mash of things from last weekend- postage from cards received, candy wrappers, photos, a movie poster from “Young Adult” (good movie), some journaling, etc.

art journal pages - december 19th-23rd

Another mish-mash of a few days. We saw “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” (which I LOVED), received some interesting mail and gifts, etc.

mini pages - december 19th-23rd

closeup of one of the mini pages...

closeup (blurry) of journaling

I also spent a little bit of time typing out specific things about this month- weather, new traditions, old traditions- things I want to remember.

gracie's holiday gifts for my parents...

This is a project I helped Gracie with. Every holiday (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) she makes a handmade gift for my parents, Tom’s mom, and one other relative. She has run of my studio, so she usually picks a stencil, paint colors, and glitter and I help her get it all together. It takes several days, but it’s worth it.

Here’s some frames she made for my parents and a box she made for my aunt and uncle.

gracie's holiday box for a relative

inside of Gracie's holiday box

Thanks for looking at all these photos! I just wanted to get them up here because I knew if I spaced them out to multiple entries, I’d probably never post them.

“Twenty in 20″ is a little personal challenge I created for myself at the end of summer, 2o11. My goal is twenty creative projects, twenty books, and twenty non-profits in twenty weeks. You can read more about it here.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

photo by Colin Hawkins

Welcome to week 33 of the Common Miracles project.

A few weeks ago I talked a little bit about my effort to be kinder and more grateful towards *myself*. I’m still working on that. I’m not cruel to myself or anything, but my general nature is to be very strict (and honest) with myself. I still think honesty is very important, but I realized that I could cut some slack on myself in a lot of areas.

Anyway, I’ve been working on it. I’m still swimming five miles a day, but when I’m tired in the middle of my swim and starting to whine to myself about it, I find myself responding with “we’re doing great, keep going- we’re almost there…” etc. instead of “stop being lazy and just finish up!” When I feel myself dragging during the afternoon, instead of reprimanding myself or feeling super guilty about it, I’m taking the time to dig deep and try and figure out what’s going on and finding a solution.

There’s a lot more questioning happening, rather than just barking out these internal orders to myself.

I have to admit, I was a little afraid that if I stopped being so strict with myself, I might start “slipping” a bit, start backing off on things like my health and swimming and my eating habits and other things that are super important in day to day life.

But the truth is, being a little more gracious to myself hasn’t affected my resolve at all- if anything, kindness has strengthened it.

And there’s been an unexpected side effect- my gut reaction to other people has softened, as well. I find myself responding to things with my husband and everyone else I interact with a general sense of positivity. It’s very strange for me.

I’ll be honest- I can be critical. I’m not that way with Gracie (my first instinct with her is and has always been gentle and quiet), but with Tom and with my family and some of my friends… I sometimes expect people to behave in certain ways and it surprises me when they *don’t*. I’m much better at processing my reaction and taking time to realize “hey, not everyone in the world is you or functions like you or thinks like you, so cool-it with the critical stuff” than I was when I was a teenager, but I still have to reign it in when I’m sitting and watching TV or something.

But lately I find myself not even having to do that. My first response is more encouraging. So I’m sort of mirroring my own personal reactions to myself out to the rest of the world. That’s a very good thing.

HOWEVER- and there is a however here- as I’m kinder to myself, I’m also getting a little bit more aggressive on calling myself on the bullshit. I know that sounds harsh, but it actually *isn’t*. It means that when I’m truly feeling bad or needing a boost, I can be fully compassionate. But when I’m sort of testing the waters and just being a slacker, I give myself a good kick in the pants and get going, which is very beneficial.

But I’m also mirroring *that* “bullshit calling” behavior with other people. Which is good… and bad. When I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, I’m quick to point it out- not rudely, just matter-of-fact. I guess it was on overdrive this holiday season because there were a few hiccups with things I ordered and customer service here and there and the unavoidable stress (especially when Target re-routed one of Gracie’s big gifts to somewhere in the far Pacific… and wanted me to wait until that package had finally made it here before they would initiate an investigtion, exchange or refund- and as of this morning it’s STILL en route to that Pacific destination so I’m glad I didn’t just say “okay!” when they suggested I wait it out…)

I’m rigidly polite with people, so it was a little interesting to feel my own bullshit detector going off from time to time and being tempted to say something about it. And sometimes I did, which worked (see Target example above). But I feel uncomfortable with that, so it’s something I need to work on.

There’s something to be said for defining personal boundaries. I admire people who are straight shooters- who balance kindness and compassion with honesty- so maybe I can develop more of that. It’s definitely a work in progress.

(Thanks to Linda for sparking my thoughts today…)

I started Common Miracles in May, 2011 to chronicle all the little (and big!) things that happen during regular days that bring me a sense of well-being. It’s an effort to recognize the small things that make life more worth living. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

Want to join in? Create your own list on your blog and let me know about it by sharing your URL in the comments section below.

merry christmas

“What is Christmas?
It is tenderness for the past,
courage for the present,
hope for the future.

It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal,
and that every path may lead to peace.”

- Agnes M. Pharo

 

Much love to you and yours- no matter if and what you celebrate, I wish you so much love, peace, and GREAT health. Thank you for checking in on me, sharing your thoughts and, most importantly, your friendship with me. I truly love all of you.

“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” – Pema Chodron

photo by Carson Ganci

Welcome to week 33 of the Common Miracles project.

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”
- Hamilton Wright Mabie

I love that quote. It reminds me of what’s at the heart of this season.

I’m trying to work on one thing this week: savoring it all.

No matter if the day is busy or quiet, whether there’s good things happening or not, whether everything gets done or there’s nothing *to* be done… I want to make this week special by savoring things. And if there’s not much going on to be savored, I want to find something (cups of tea, a moment to curl up on the sofa with my book, doing a quick doodle, putting in a favorite movie, going to the garden store and looking around for a bit…. whatever) and savor that. I want to make it a week of love and joy- not only for my family, but for myself.

I want to create new traditions of serenity and laughter and deep breaths and sweet ways of restoring myself. Of books and tea and spending time with my family and maybe even baking a few cookies (got the ingredients…) THAT’s what I want “the holidays” to be about.

Happy holidays, happy Monday, and have an amazing week, no matter what it is you are up to. Much love from MY heart to yours!

I started Common Miracles in May, 2011 to chronicle all the little (and big!) things that happen during regular days that bring me a sense of well-being. It’s an effort to recognize the small things that make life more worth living. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.

Want to join in? Create your own list on your blog and let me know about it by sharing your URL in the comments section below.

Creative Project Number #11, 12, and 13: (more) December Art Journal Pages

In between holiday preparations, I’ve been slowly adding stuff to my art journal. Whenever I have time, and feel like it, I take the journal out and paste things in, jot down notes, add a few letter stickers, glue down some paper, grab my watercolor crayons, or just doodle a bit. These are truly horrible photos and I apologize, but I know if I plan to take more, I won’t and I’ll fall behind. So I’m just uploading them and moving forward!

Here’s what’s new:

Next few pages...

The bird image was from a local magazine- I cut out the image and pasted it in and painted over it and added the letter stickers and journaling. I also bound in a tiny page into the binding with some tape- the page is made out of receipts from places we went over the weekend  (I stapled them together) plus some of Gracie’s notes from our daily ritual of reading a holiday book (she writes down the words she’s working on).

December 11th/12th

The back of the tiny page is some mail I got on Monday, some stickers from the pharmacy bag (happened to have the date on them), a candy wrapper, and a sticker Gracie pasted on the page while I was making it.

December 13th

The next page is just a little bit about writing out cards, plus one of our cards (I accidentally signed it upside down) and another candy wrapper.

december 13th (open card)

And this….

"overwhelmed"

I actually made this a few days earlier. I was just SWAMPED and not happy so I took out my journal and stamped and painted until I felt better. It started out vibrant, but the more I inked and journaled and drew, it turned a little distress-y. I feel much better now.

Thanks for looking!

“Twenty in 20″ is a little personal challenge I created for myself at the end of summer, 2o11. My goal is twenty creative projects, twenty books, and twenty non-profits in twenty weeks. You can read more about it here.